I am back!

Let me back up here...so you know where I am back from...  In November my family asked me to go back on anti-depressants.  They tried to be gentle...but it was lost in translation.  I hadn't been on pills for at least 3 or 4 years, maybe more, who knows.  I stopped taking them cause pills make me sick, this could be in my head, but it is VERY real to me.  I don't even take headache medicine.

So I went  to the doctor, who wasn't my doctor, because my doctor retired her practice.  The office recently went all fancy with their records and they are all electronic now.  BIG problem, they only went back 2 years.  So this doctor who wasn't my doctor...thinks I am crazy, but not in the good way.  She shows no history of depression.  Well thanks for nothing.  She stilled prescribed some pills for me, I asked for Cymbalta.  I had been on it before, can't remember why I went off of it.

Immediately I felt better...seriously in a few hours Alex noticed a difference.  YEE-HAW...or so I thought.  I felt mentally fabulous, however I was so mellow that I didn't care about cooking, cleaning or much of anything outside of my thrown (the bed) where me and the dog prefer to hang. The upside of the meds is I didn't have any panic attacks...this was awesome.  I was having 3-7 a day before.  So to have none, RAWK on.  Then I became irritated that I had no desire to cook or clean.  No one else was doing it either, I was pretty sure the people from Hoarders were going to knock on the door and tell me we were next to be featured on the show.  I had other side effects, like I got flush and sweaty everytime I drank hot coffee.  That was fun...  TMI ALERT - Alex was being ignore in the bedroom...as my lady parts were pretty much broken.  So I stopped cold turkey.  I KNOW this is not what you are supposed to do, but I am rebel and when I am done, I AM DONE!

Day 4 without the meds...I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom at 8:30 at night.  Unfortunately, "the beast" (this is what I refer to as the nasty side of me...I know who would have known, there was a nasty side), came back too.  For a minute I thought, the beast was going to have to stay, because that bitch gets things done.  I have now started a therapy fund for Tasha, as I am sure she will need it when she grows up.  Please feel free to donate.

I emailed the doctor who wasn't my doctor and asked if welbutrin might be a better option. I got response email from a doctor who is now going to be my doctor.  She said we could try it and if it didn't work, I will have to have a face-to-face conversation with her.  Can you say fabulous?

So I started that, now I take 2 pills a day...apparently it isn't in my chart that I HATE taking pills.  The first weekend my panic attacks were back with a vengeance and all my tools to combat them were locked in a trunk at the bottom of the ocean.  I was a bowl of jello...I will save all of that for another story.

I am still a little irritable, which I am not happy with.  Yesterday was a day I wanted nothing to do with anybody.  At anytime, please feel free to feel sorry for Alex. I had bad dreams last night...they were very real.  So my morning wasn't great...but I talked to Alex while running errands and I felt much better.  Thank the Universe for him, some days I would be lost without him...other days life would be just planing boring.

So last Wednesday, Tasha stayed home from school because of severe abdominal pains.  I took her to the doctor and he said he was pretty sure that it was Abdominal Migraines (AM) and prescribed her medicine.  My insurance doesn't want to cover said medicine and it is a $100/month. I am calling the insurance company on Tuesday, to see what they have to say. The pharmacy gave me a smaller amount, so it wasn't so much.  This way my doctor can contact the insurance as well.

Thinking back over the last month and a half...we have ate a TON of fast food.  So this is where,"I AM BACK" no more fast food.  Subway only and that is when we go to Seattle, two times a month.  I went shopping and picked up items to make protein bars and breakfast muffins for Tasha.  Also, the crock pot who thought I lost it's number is working tonight.  Chicken Teriyaki!!!

I think Tasha's AM is caused by stress...hello I was a bowl of jello last weekend.  But, I know the fast food crap isn't good for us or my bank account.  Also, we have made a deal that she WILL eat breakfast every morning, more calories at lunch, snack after school and a good size dinner...PLUS lots of water.  Since she dances as much as she does, she needs a lot of good calories. I have to say we have been failing on this front.

It feels good to cook again... the cleaning will come I am sure (I really need a maid!)